[IWE] As we demonstrate our gravitas

Bill Patient iwe@warhead.org.uk
Thu, 11 Jan 2007 16:43:57 -0500

Does anyone find irony in that this article was posted online?

-----Original Message-----
From: iwe-admin@warhead.org.uk [mailto:iwe-admin@warhead.org.uk]On
Behalf Of Ashton Brown
Sent: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 8:59 PM
To: iwe@warhead.org.uk
Subject: [IWE] As we demonstrate our gravitas

as adults.. stoically uncomplaining of the vicissitudes of rotating
masses of sand and alloy -
resignedly, as the den smoker sees his last bead of poppy resin roll
from the boule and into the pissoir of an adjacent user's cot -- just as
he realizes that Ahmed will accept no more IOUs and -- when he does
makes it back to his cold-water flat:
there will be that pesky wastrel with the arrogant twang! monopolizing
the video soporific-tube once again: tryin to sell the indefensible to
the (only recently) apoplectic ... why then, thoughts turn to

Garrison Keillor, who has some hints about the Manly/Womanly art of
holding, folding and brandishing a fine replacement for TFTs, CRTs and
stories-high Time-Square Sonytrons:


[. . .]

> You open it with a flourish and a ripple of newsprint, your buoyant
> self-confidence evident in the way you turn the pages with a snap of
> the wrist, taking in the gray matter swiftly, your eyes dancing over
> the world's sorrows and moving on, crinkling the page, snapping it,
> rolling it, folding the paper in halves and quarters, tucking it under
> the arm or tapping it against the palm. Cary Grant, Spencer Tracy,
> Jimmy Stewart, all the greats, used the newspaper to demonstrate cool.
> Sitting and staring at the profile of Kerri ("Dreamer of dreams")
> Jodhpur, 18, of Muncie, Ind., and her cat Snowball is not cool.
> A man at a laptop is a man at a desk, a stiff, a drone. Where is the
> nobility here? He hunches forward, his eyes glaze, and beads of saliva
> glitter in the corners of his mouth and make their way down his chin
> as he becomes engrossed in the video of the fisherman falling out of
> the boat. A newspaper reader, by comparison, is a swordsman, a
> wrangler, a private eye. Holding a newspaper frees you up to express
> yourself, sort of like holding a sax did for Coltrane. Just observe a
> few simple rules.
> 1. If you want to make a serious impression, don't buy one paper, buy
> three or four. A person walking into Starbucks with four papers folded
> under his wing is immediately taken for a mogul. If he's young, he's a
> software mogul. If he is unshaven and wearing pajamas under his
> raincoat, he is an eccentric mogul, perhaps a Mafia kingpin.
> 2. Take your sweet time opening the paper. You already know what's in
> it, boss man, you only read it so you'll know how much other people
> know, so there's no big rush.
[ etc. ]

Bon appetit
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