[IWE] Corp Email Rant which brings us to ooo replies

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 08:06:02 -0400

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I like number 6 and 9

The 10 Best OOO Replies.

1.? I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if

I fail to get the position.? Please be prepared for my mood.

2.? You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the

office.? If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3.? Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart

removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4.? I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from

vacation.? Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was

received.

5.? Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the

first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6.? The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message

has not been delivered.? Please restart your computer and try sending again.

(The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see who did this over

and over and over ....)

7.? Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You

are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately

19 weeks.

8.? Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.? Please wait by your PC for

my response.

9.? I've run away to join a different circus.

10.? I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.

-----Original Message-----
From: Peter Whysall <peter.whysall@ntlworld.com>
To: iwe@warhead.org.uk
Sent: Tue, 7 Oct 2008 4:33 am
Subject: [IWE] Corp Email Rant

Today's rant is about the woeful state of peoples' email etiquette in the
office, where most of us are cursed to work.

1. Do not tick the "High priority" flag if you're not the managing
director or CEO, and the message is not about the very large pay rise
you're about to award me. Your priorities are unlikely to be my
priorities.

2. Read what you've written. Computers are very good at checking spelling.
If you're not bothered about clicking the "check spelling" button, it's a
pretty good clue that you typed a load of wordvomit into a window and
clicked "send". Oh, guess what? Your message is a load of semi-literate
verbal spew.

3. Do not use the CC: list as a passive-aggressive attempt to intimidate
me. I don't care.

4. In a protracted email exchange, take 10 of your valuable seconds to
trim off the gigabyte or so of disclaimers at the bottom of the message.

5. Do not send me, by email, a Word document that is formatted to look
like an email, call it a "memo", and then add the corporate logo to the
top of it so that I get an email message containing a 1MB file with about
100 words of text. QA departments are particularly likely to do this.

6. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD, HOLY AND RIGHT DELETE THE COMIC SANS
FONT FROM YOUR COMPUTER AND STOP SENDING ME BUSINESS MAIL THAT USES IT.
*deletes Comic Sans Font, is defeated by PDF with embedded TTF fonts*

7. Jokes forwarded by email are never funny. Fact. The more forwarded it
is, the less funny it is. Fact.

8. If you forward a message where your sole contribution is "FYI", I hate
you. Why is it FMI? Why are you making ME work out which messages in your
inbox should be of I to M?

9. Ditch that faux-formal tone that semi-literate people like you use to
embiggen themselves by email. When someone sends me an email that begins,
"It has come to my attention that..." then I know that weapons-grade
cocksocketry is sure to follow.

10. Managers! Saying "I want you to do X" in an email is a sure way to get
my back up. Try "Please". Manners are free.

_______________________________________________
IWE mailing list
IWE@warhead.org.uk
http://lists.warhead.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/iwe

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<font size="2"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I like number 6 and 9<br>
<br>
</font>The 10 Best OOO Replies.<br>

<br>

1.&nbsp; I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if<br>

I fail to get the position.&nbsp; Please be prepared for my mood.<br>

<br>

2.&nbsp; You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the<br>

office.&nbsp; If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.<br>

<br>

3.&nbsp; Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart<br>

removed so I can be promoted to our management team.<br>

<br>

4.&nbsp; I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from<br>

vacation.&nbsp; Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was<br>

received.<br>

<br>

5.&nbsp; Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the

first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.<br>

<br>

6.&nbsp; The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message

has not been delivered.&nbsp; Please restart your computer and try sending again.<br>

(The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see who did this over<br>

and over and over ....)<br>

<br>

7.&nbsp; Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You

are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately<br>

19 weeks.<br>

<br>

8.&nbsp; Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.&nbsp; Please wait by your PC for<br>

my response.<br>

<br>

9.&nbsp; I've run away to join a different circus.<br>

<br>

10.&nbsp; I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.<br>

When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.<br>

<br>

</font>
<div> <br>
</div>

<div> <br>
</div>
-----Original Message-----<br>
From: Peter Whysall &lt;peter.whysall@ntlworld.com&gt;<br>
To: iwe@warhead.org.uk<br>
Sent: Tue, 7 Oct 2008 4:33 am<br>
Subject: [IWE] Corp Email Rant<br>
<br>

<div id="AOLMsgPart_0_c5c8b4ac-3a9e-4790-a99a-46794dba9eff" style="margin: 0px; font-family: Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif; font-size: 12px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">

<pre style="font-size: 9pt;"><tt>Today's rant is about the woeful state of peoples' email etiquette in the 
office, where most of us are cursed to work. 
 
1. Do not tick the "High priority" flag if you're not the managing 
director or CEO, and the message is not about the very large pay rise 
you're about to award me. Your priorities are unlikely to be my 
priorities. 
 
2. Read what you've written. Computers are very good at checking spelling. 
If you're not bothered about clicking the "check spelling" button, it's a 
pretty good clue that you typed a load of wordvomit into a window and 
clicked "send". Oh, guess what? Your message is a load of semi-literate 
verbal spew. 
 
3. Do not use the CC: list as a passive-aggressive attempt to intimidate 
me. I don't care. 
 
4. In a protracted email exchange, take 10 of your valuable seconds to 
trim off the gigabyte or so of disclaimers at the bottom of the message. 
 
5. Do not send me, by email, a Word document that is formatted to look 
like an email, call it a "memo", and then add the corporate logo to the 
top of it so that I get an email message containing a 1MB file with about 
100 words of text. QA departments are particularly likely to do this. 
 
6. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD, HOLY AND RIGHT DELETE THE COMIC SANS 
FONT FROM YOUR COMPUTER AND STOP SENDING ME BUSINESS MAIL THAT USES IT. 
*deletes Comic Sans Font, is defeated by PDF with embedded TTF fonts* 
 
7. Jokes forwarded by email are never funny. Fact. The more forwarded it 
is, the less funny it is. Fact. 
 
8. If you forward a message where your sole contribution is "FYI", I hate 
you. Why is it FMI? Why are you making ME work out which messages in your 
inbox should be of I to M? 
 
9. Ditch that faux-formal tone that semi-literate people like you use to 
embiggen themselves by email. When someone sends me an email that begins, 
"It has come to my attention that..." then I know that weapons-grade 
cocksocketry is sure to follow. 
 
10. Managers! Saying "I want you to do X" in an email is a sure way to get 
my back up. Try "Please". Manners are free. 
 
_______________________________________________ 
IWE mailing list 
<a href="mailto:IWE@warhead.org.uk">IWE@warhead.org.uk</a> 
<a href="http://lists.warhead.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/iwe" target="_blank">http://lists.warhead.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/iwe</a> 
</tt></pre>
</div>

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